Nanowrimo is all over the place still. I read a lot of tweets these last few days of people finishing it at 50k or even 100k, whereas I came in at around 10k. They are words that weren’t there before, I know that. But I could not help feeling inadequate, especially considering that having a day time job really isn’t an excuse. Nearly every writer does – unless your Stephen King or J.K. Rowling.
Knowing that it’s not an excuse made me feel even more inadequate and I was quite depressed about it all yesterday. Somehow today things are a little bit better. Thinking about my writer’s block and trying to find a reason for it, the one thing that comes to mind is that my mind has had to do a lot this year and it is simply exhausted. Forcing myself to write words with an exhausted mind was, at best, counter-effective.
I have constantly thought about my novel this year, editing it, revising it, sending it off, publishing it, marketing it etc. It has been on-going. I then have been constantly thinking about my engagement and my wedding. On top of that I had to escape from a horrible job that didn’t do my mind any favours. I can feel my mind being exhausted. Part of it is also the imagined pressure of producing a second novel, to get that out, to keep the momentum going and stay in the minds of people. But I don’t think I should do that, for my mind’s sake.
So for the rest of the year and for the beginning of next year, I need to sort my mind out again and when it comes to writing I need to find the fun again.
I highlighted a few competitions for poetry and short fiction in a writer’s magazine, most of them with an open theme, and I think if I can find it in myself to simply go for it, work towards something, whether it ends up in the competition or not, that would help me heal my mind a little bit.
I need to get back into the habit of just writing for fun every day, or every other day, and not writing, or editing, because I feel like I have to. And once I’m back in the fun zone, I can think more about the things I have to do.